You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
