there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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