Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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