I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
