Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
