The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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