I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
