I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
