I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
