i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize