this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize