I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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