My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
