Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
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I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
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Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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