omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
