I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
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I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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