oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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