Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
