Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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