I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
