I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
