So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
