i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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