I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
