They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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