My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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