I hate all girls vehemently.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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