White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force