I want to stick my p in your. b.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
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Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.