I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.