I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
4 words: hood of his car
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?