this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
