the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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