know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
