this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
