Christians are straight up FREAKS
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
