My Higher Power is John Stamos
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
