so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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