I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
