can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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