Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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