Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
