You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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