that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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