Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
pop tarts are not kleenex
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
