I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
