Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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