Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
