That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
