I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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