his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
