If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
