life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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