u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
