And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
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Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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