Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
