he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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