Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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