Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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