At least make sure they are 18
Why
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
